Synopsis

Praise for The Imbible

"The Imbible introduces Bash as a major new talent in the genre of 'books most likely to make you run through campus naked…'" – Officer Hernandez

"A laugh-out-loud must have for any party connoisseur." - John Austin, author of Prank University

"A stunning debut by that guy who kept us up 'til 4am with drunken choruses of Wonder Wall..." - The Sorority Next Door

"I read the entire thing cover to cover and didn't even play one game - it's THAT funny." Internet Commenter

"No, but really, the book is hilarious. He's a seriously funny author." – Guy who is taking this way too seriously

"Just reading it could give you a hangover." Jason Pinter, author of the Henry Parker NOvels

" "I have not woken up before noon since Alex wrote this book. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing." – Alex's roommate

More Praise

Why You Should Buy The Imbible

If you feel bad buying a book about drinking, just cover up the first 5 letters.

The U.S. Marines’ first recruiting station was in a bar. The Marines kill bad people. Are you pro bad people?

Because if you don’t remember how you got the scar, you can make up as manly as story as you like.

18 games of beer pong is a scapegoat for anything.

THE IMBIBLE is guaranteed to lower your standards in 5 chapters or less!

For more reasons, click here.

Commonly Asked Questions

UM…MY FRIEND TOLD ME TO ASK WHAT THE TITLE MEANT…

The word “Imbibe” means to “to drink.” Thus, The Imbible is the bible of drinking.

WHAT EXACTLY IS THE BOOK ABOUT?

Glad you asked: The Imbible not only contains the rules, variations and helpful tips for nearly 100 drinking games, it also has tons of humorous excerpts about hangovers, locating one’s pants, and sneaking out of her room before she rolls over. The Imbible will be found in the humor section of your local bookstore.

WHAT KINDS OF GAMES DOES IT HAVE?

Every drinking game you’ve ever heard of, from quarters to kings to three man to pillars, as well as dozens and dozens of new, totally original games, like Beer Roulette, G.H.R.F, and the best set of rules ever created for The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

WHAT KINDS OF HUMOROUS EXCERPTS?

Let’s see…things like The Origin of Beer Pong, The Preferred Sexual Position of the Renaissance, Communist Forks, Booze Slogans, Drunken Time-Traveling, Discount Cash Flow Analysis, The Great Chicken Conspiracy, Operation Imbibe and Conquer, How To Survive a Beerquake, The Metaphor that is Chumbawumba, and many, many more.

WHERE CAN I BUY THE BOOK?

The Imbible will be available everywhere books are sold, including:

Amazon

Barnes & Noble

CAN I READ YOUR BIO AND THEN PRETEND TO KNOW YOU WHEN I SHOW OFF THE IMBIBLE TO OTHERS?

Yes. Yes you can. You were my lead researcher. And I love you.

IS THERE GOING TO BE A BOOK TOUR?

A nation-wide fraternity tour is possible, and trust me, it would be like no other book tour ever conceived. Nightly Beer Olympics, flip cup tournaments, etc. But, it all depends on how well the book does. So if you want to see it happen, buy some copies for yourself, your friends, your family, and anybody else who wants (or needs) to have a good time. Help the world lighten up a little.

HOW CAN I HELP?

If you like what you read and have a contact in the media, please feel free to forward the book and my contact information onto them.

Yes, this is a play on the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, but instead of providing inspirational tales of life and love, it has stories about almost killing hookers with flaming washing machines and, occasionally, peeing on police officers. Read More

HotPocket was young, hammered, and had three missions to accomplish: get drunk in an interesting way, find a random party and be the life of it, and go skinny dipping. This was Operation Party. He decided, naturally, to start at number one. His life experience told him that in completing the first step of the plan not only was it possible to socialize beyond his God-given abilities, but also to time travel to his bedroom floor the following morning if things got out of hand. Read More

“The sign!” Waffle yelled. He and TheHamster jetted across the road, prized yield sign resting on their shoulders. They tried to follow Buckle and Spot but the sound of their own pounding footsteps drowned them out. Waffle chanced a glance over his shoulder. The car was stopped, the doors were opened.
The chase was on. Read More

Moral of the following story: just because you’re drunk and obnoxious and assaulting the neighbor’s dog with water balloons, doesn’t mean you can’t inadvertently save someone’s life. Read More

It is at this point that CornDog realizes he is much drunker than he intended to be. He is stumbling down the isle, crashing in to the wall and balancing himself on the shoulders of confused students.
Milkshake is directly in front of him.
CornDog is grinning so large it hurts. Read More

It was Halloween, and TheAntelope could not be more excited. Every costume imaginable was there with the word “slutty” in front of it. Nurse? Slutty nurse. Fireman? Slutty fireman. Slut? Slutty slut. Hundreds of people thrilled that they finally had an excuse to dress like a whore and get away with it. Sluts were everywhere.
Including the laundry room. Read More

Like usual, whenever I tell someone a funny story, they have to try and one-up me. This is of course perfectly ok, because the story is usually fucking hilarious and, occasionally, I get gems like this… There was a guy living in CheeseHead’s house named TheLlama that was still dating a girl after he found out she had cheated on him multiple times. CheeseHead and his other housemates did not appreciate her company. So, one time when they knew he was tickling her cervix, they called upon their friend SteamerClam to work his magic. Read More

CornStalk raced around a rusty tractor, slipped in the mud and slammed into the ground. The bales of hay ahead grew brighter as the farmer’s truck’s headlights grew closer. He stumbled to his feet, drunk and sopping wet. The engine’s roar grew louder behind him. Not enough traction to run, no place to hide, and no sign of his partners in crime.
The horn started honking.
He could hear the farmer shouting… Read More

Walking straight has become the hardest task he has ever been faced with. He falls three times on his way to the deck’s sliding glass door. And then he sees it: fire. The kitchen counter is on fire. No one inside notices. ButtChin attempts to relay this message to the people behind him but can’t seem to summon the most simple of phonemes.
His head is spinning. Tears of laughter are blurring his already blurry vision. He seriously can not feel his legs. But, like any hero, he must rise up and conquer his hardships, self-inflicted or not. Read More

Twelve stairs lay ahead. An unconscious idiot’s fate was in Eggplant’s hands, which were currently duct-taped to 40 ounce bottles of malt liquor.
He reached for the silver bullet… Read More

The girls say DumbShit will never hit them because he has too much cum in his eyes.

DumbShit does not appreciate their comment.
DumbShit grabs an extra large water balloon.
DumbShit throws.
DumbShit hits.
Red liquid explodes everywhere.
The girls are covered in blood. Read More

Sophomore had just broken up with his first girlfriend and his typically over-emotional Dashboard Confessional-loving self was still clinging to the small hope that they may get back together. But, because he also had to satisfy his boob craving, he started dating another girl to hold him over until his true love came back to him. Read More

One night after a drinking an amount that you wouldn’t believe if I typed it, Lee was stumbling around on the balcony talking on the phone. Two guys were in the hallway watching him struggle to pronounce single-syllable words. Then, somehow, he stumbled in such a way that his pelvis hit the railing, his body contorted, and he tumbled over head first. The Balcony was a good fifteen feet off the ground. A sober person jumping feet first would have a hard time landing safely let alone a blacked out idiot diving head first. Read More

Moral: even if you play fair, some people are just assholes. Read More

Moral of the following story: unless you and a friend want to have a near-death experience in which you majestically fly through the air in slow-motion away from a giant explosion of fire and broken glass, never buy a 12-pack of mortar shells. Read More

The blue and red lights were barely visible in the early afternoon sun. Banana would turn 21 in three days and there he was, standing with another 20 year old, illegally intoxicated, each of them holding a backpack loaded with a half-gallon of rum. He was fucked. Read More Read More

He froze and listened for approaching footsteps. They were coming. Sprout inched his way around the tree to always be on the opposite side of the officers, but he had seen enough movies to know the only way he’d get off the hook was if Matt Damon busted in and karate-chopped his way to freedom. Read More

They were in the alley. Floss heard their footsteps and vague, drunken threats get closer and closer as they followed the trail of water balloon shrapnel. They stopped right below him. Floss was lying next to HandSanitzer, RED and Spot were on their backs across from them, and HotPocket was…oh God… Read More

What is it about fat people that makes everything they do so funny? There’s a youtube video of a fat chick face-planting on a moped that’s gotten over a million hits. If she was hot? Heart breaking. Viewers would be looking for a breast-reconstruction fund to donate money to. Read More

It’s 4:00am, they’re hammered, and since Pan and ScrambledEgg have already exhausted their regular late night fun of trying to remember what they did earlier in the night, they decide to block an alley with trash cans. Read More

An Emergency Medical Technician named Megan was paged to a house where a man was attempting to commit suicide via carbon monoxide poisoning by locking himself in the garage and turning on his car. The neighbor’s noticed after hearing the engine running for several hours and called the cops, who, in turn, called her. Read More

There was a new neighborhood going up a block away from the house of one of my good friends Sammy, who, for purposes of anonymity, will be referred to as Ohmygodthosetitsarehuge. It was senior year in high school. Read More Read More

Alex Bash is the moderately well-selling author of The Imbible: Drinking Games for Times You’ll Never Remember with Friends You’ll Never Forget. The Imbible is not only the definitive book on drinking games, but is also, as many typo-ridden emails have exclaimed, "Really fucking funny, bro."

In contrast to his nightly belligerence, Alex works at a hospital where he saves lives, which he likes to remind people is no big deal. He can say otolaryngology in three languages and knows more about the Orbitofrontal Cortex than is necessary for someone who is not, technically, a doctor. He enjoys bubblegum toothpaste, strawberry Pop Tarts, and bench press.

For a more on Alex, including his infamous 4th grade publishing feats and hatred of all things T-Mobile, click here.

"Alex Bash is one of the funniest writers I've ever read...legitimately one of the funniest books of the year." - Jason Pinter, author of the The Mark

"The Imbible introduces Bash as a major new talent in the genre of 'books most likely to make you run through campus naked…'" – Officer Hernandez

"A laugh-out-loud must have for any party connoisseur." - John Austin, author of Prank University

“Every now and then I think there are too many derogatory jokes in THE IMBIBLE, but then I take a few more shots and it all makes sense.” – Pretty Much Everyone

“I stopped counting at about 400, but I think there could very well be 1,000 instances of the word “drink” in this book. And that is awesome.” – QueefMo

"A stunning debut by that guy who kept us up 'til 4am with drunken choruses of Wonder Wall..." - The Sorority Next Door

"I read the entire thing cover to cover and didn't even play one game - it's THAT funny." - Internet Commenter

"No, but really, the book is hilarious. He's a seriously funny author." – Guy who is taking this way too seriously

“I can’t wait until people start blaming THE IMBIBLE for the downfall of American society instead of their horrific parenting. Seriously, it’s going to be great.” – Person Under 60 Years Old who isn’t Senile

“Dude Alex I am seriously so drunk right now, seriously, no joke, so drunk right now…dude.” – Seriously Drunk Guy

“Was this in the old or new testament?” - Guy who can’t grasp the concept of “play on words”

“From grandkids to grandparents, THE IMBIBLE is fun for the whole family!” – Counselor having mid-life crisis

“You’d better not quote me on your website, douche bag.” – John McAdmas Jr.

“The #1 source for alcoholics heavy social drinkers to decrease increase their life expectancy drunken fun!” – TwoHole

“A step-by-step guide to time traveling to your bedroom floor the following morning.” – Scientist, desperate for work

“THE IMBIBLE will make your life an exhilarating mystery as you race the clock for answers as to what the hell you did last night.” – JV

“THE IMBIBLE is the best book I’ve never seen or heard.” – Helen Keller

"I have not woken up before noon since Alex wrote this book. I'm not sure if this is a good or bad thing." – Alex's roommate

“With THE IMBIBLE you can have your cake and eat it to, and then puke it up into the toilet when you lose at Fuck the Dealer – no calories!” – Suspiciously fit female

“THE IMBIBLE is like White-Out for my life, which I think is good, because people say I’m kind of an asshole.” – TheClam

“I think I pooped myself.” – JD

“Even though I think you were joking, I still got to hit Danny in the balls four times when he lost his quarter playing Anchorman. Chuck 4, Danny’s Balls 0.” – Chuckleton

If waking up with a sore biceps means you had a great arm workout, waking up with a pounding head means you had a great brain workout!

Jump on the band wagon before the keg is tapped, both literally and metaphorically.

The fall of the Soviet Union was not due to the collapse of the Russian economy, but instead by the infamous game of Quarters that took place at the 1986 Reykjavik Summit between Mikhail Gorbachev and Ronald Reagan. I think it’s safe to say THE IMBIBLE is a patriot.

Because tears are less bitter when mixed with coconut rum.

If you feel bad buying a book about drinking, just cover up the first 5 letters.

The U.S. Marines’ first recruiting station was in a bar. The Marines kill bad people. Are you pro bad people?

Because if you don’t remember how you got the scar, you can make up as manly a story as you like.

18 games of beer pong is a scapegoat for anything.

THE IMBIBLE is guaranteed to lower your standards in 5 chapters or less!

If you never get to A) pass out on the floor, B) wake up in hand cuffs, C) go streaking, and D) wake up next to a naked stranger, you won’t be able to relate to half of what happens in all funny movies.

From the first drink of the night to the hair of the dog the next morning, THE IMBIBLE will make sure 90% of your outgoing phone calls are between 3:00-5:00am, which do not use peak minutes.

It can be used as a projectile, which you could very well say about any book, but after a few nights of usage The Imbible will probably have Chlamydia and act like a poison ninja star, which is way sweet.

Adolf Hitler was one of the world's best known abstainers from alcohol; his adversary, Sir Winston Churchill, was one of the world's best known heavy drinkers. I’ll let you figure this one out.

President Lincoln, when informed that General Grant drank whiskey while leading his troops, reportedly replied "Find out the name of the brand so I can give it to my other generals."

Be a part of history as THE IMBIBLE tears down the moral fabric of society!

THE IMBIBLE will lower GPAs across the country, making you look way better compared to everyone else.

Think about it…if ENRON had bought this book for all its employees they’d be too drunk to commit accounting fraud!

Drunk girls are easier. Not being a dick, just saying.

Drunk guys are easier. Not being a slut, just saying.

Franklin D. Roosevelt was elected President of the U.S. in 1932 on a pledge to end National Prohibition, so stop shitting on his memory and drink up!

It makes quarters much more valuable than 25 cents.

And finally…

THE IMBIBLE provides you with an infinite number of excuses to call your ex.